I know it has been a very long time since I have updated our blog. A lot has happened. For one our amazing boys are finally home! I promise I will do a post soon about that, but today something else is moving within me to share…
Today has been a weird off day for me. I cried a big part of it. I have second guessed just about everything I’ve done. My feelings have been on my sleeve and have been hurt so easy. I’ve been a ball of emotions today. I’m not usually a hyper emotional gal but boy was I today. I was sad. I was jealous. I was lonely even with a house full of people who love me. I was embarrassed. I was so insecure which is probably the worst part of it all.
Insecurity makes me cringe. It makes me sick to my stomach. Second guessing myself. Consumed with worry about what people think of me. I absolutely hate feeling that way. Especially because I know what this really is…. Pride with a capital P. It’s not your puffed up I’m the best kind of pride. It’s the other ugly brother to that kind. It’s the self deprecating pride. The kind that Satan likes to make you think is ok because well you aren’t thinking to highly of yourself. But here is the thing… I’m still only thinking about myself. And that my friends is pride.
I can usually trace this feeling back to one particular thing… How much have I been in the Word of God… And I am about to get real right now. I haven’t been in it much these days. I could make a long list of why I think I don’t have time. But I would be lying. I am choosing to sleep over being in the Word. I watch TV at night instead of being in the Word. I have no good excuse. I can just be straight up lazy. So after spending the day on the emotional train I opened up my Bible and read some of Philippians.
As I was reading many things stuck out, but this seemed to really stick out:
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. (Philippians 4:5 NASB)
A gentle spirit is something I have craved… Prayed for… Spent hours researching. It is something that sounds so genuine and precious. And at times I feel like I have it. I feel in some areas it’s evident. Like with my children. I see gentleness in the way I am with them these days that is new and I believe a direct link to our adoption… But in others areas it can be lacking big time. Today was for sure a day my spirit was not gentle. It was anxious, jealous, worried and the whole time I knew why… I needed to focus on Jesus and His perfect love. Not on me and all these other things.
When you keep on reading in chapter 4 you can see how to get this gentle spirit that I am sure all of us would love to have. I mean when I hear the words “gentle spirit” the first thing that comes to my mind is peace!!
I love how the Word of God does this… It tells you what to have and then it tells you how to get it.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:6-9 NASB)
My spirit went from going in a downward spiral of focusing on the flesh and the things of this world to filled with peace in minutes. Not because I am something special but because my God loves me so much that He gave me this book that teaches me how to go through this life with a deep consuming love for Jesus and others. That shows me how to have joy that isn’t based on any circumstance and peace that surpasses all comprehension (can we just stop and chew on that… Wow!) and also a thankful heart because I know that I have the greatest gift in the whole world… A life redeeming, death defying relationship with the Saviour of this world . Aren’t those things we all deeply desire? I know I sure do!
So, friends…. Feeling anxious, insecure, worried, fearful, jealous, consumed by what others think of you? Then I challenge you to open the Word of God and see what God has to show you.
We must do our part if we want peace, joy, wisdom and the many other gifts He promises us! God gives us the tools through His perfect Word! It’s our job to read it and then DO what it says!
Peace, love and adoption,